Say It's Over: N-Dubz has plenty in crowd on their side during Main Stage set Pic: © Drew Farrell
A multitude of black-clad backing dancers bounding around, the clunky rapping and inane melodies of N Dubz make them resemble nothing so much as a Costcutter Black Eyed Peas.
Not that that's the worst thing as they bound around like yappy pups fed a diet of sugar for their entire lives, all while the trio were also forced to listen to nothing but Now That's What I Call Music! compilations on repeat 24/7.
Dappy is at constant pains to stress that there's 'real music' going on during their Main Stage set, and by goodness, the backing band are pretty darned good - with their solo instrumental number perfectly suited for a scintillating synth-rock retro Atari soundtrack. The guitarist in particular was more than capable of expertly wailing away, other moments seeing the glamorous Tulisa assume a look of slight constipation to signify when her vocals were carrying some apparent amount of emotional resonance. (Mind you, maybe it was just the clamminess that came with all three all sporting leather as the sun glared away. No wonder they wandered offstage for a quick costume change.)
Girls saw a bit of cheeky am-dram/panto as Tulisa and the female dancers squared off against the guys and their entourage. Who would win? As they pretend made up so that they could segue into a little bit of choreographed line-dancing, I guess the answer was that humanity as a whole triumphed. (Perhaps.)
Though even if not, there was a pretty healthy crowd reaction to their set. The sizeable attendance for the trio's mid-afternoon slot showed that, if T has indeed gone even more pop this year, then there's plenty ready to lap it up in the name of simply having a good time.
And why shouldn't they? N-Dubz's clumsy but envigorating mainstream mish-mash of urban influences is harmless enough, especially for a Saturday afternoon, and rather this sort of throwaway nonsense is far preferable to dismal plodding indie-rockers such as Ocean Colour Scene or Cast, who've found themselves somehow resurrected here this weekend as the ghosts of regrettable T in the Park past.
That's not to say that Dappy, Tulisa and Fazer are infinitely tolerable though, and the will to live is sapped to such low levels that by the time Dappy says "If you like real music raise your hands" (preceding Best Behaviour) it feels like the cruelest of jibes. Can he really be serious, really really serious? It's a bit like Katie Price considering herself to be a real writer because of the amount of copies of her autobiography she's managed to flog.
There's nothing wrong with a bit of throwaway frippery, but let's not carried away here. Perhaps N-Dubz are a stepping stone for those on their way to discovering actual real music, but for those who consider this anything other than (admittedly well-meaning) vacuous tripe - and heaven forbid, those who are prone to listening to their songs on a regular basis - then I can do little more than bow to you in wonder at the strength of your spiritual constitution. You can dance on, I'm just going to go home and have a little cry to myself. Though let's not be too downbeat, that line-dancing bit still kicked ass!
N-DUBZ AT T IN THE PARK
