So it’s I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here time again. Are we in for the usual round of gleefully watching stars vomiting as they do revolting things and get stroppy as the going gets tough?
Of course, there’ll be some of that, but, this year, I think it’s going to be different. You see, 2011 is going to be the Year of The Old Bird.
This time producers have bucked the trend of mixing glamourous young things in the hope of creating some sexual chemistry and sprinkling in a couple of seniors to have someone to do the cooking. Let’s face it, the world doesn’t need another Katie Price and Peter Andre moment.
Obviously there is still one babe, Jessica Jane Clements, who will look amazing in a bikini, they would be breaking TV law to miss her out.
But otherwise the stars of this years show are going to be the mature women – Hart to Hart legend Stefanie Powers, Luton Airport star Lorraine Chase, athlete Fatima Whitbread and Benidorm actress Crissy Rock.
Bending to their will, the rest comprise camp Corrie star Antony Cotton, McFly star Dougie Poynter, hamster botherer Freddie Starr, TOWIE celeb Mark Wright, former jockey Willie Carson and, of course, babe Jessica.
These old girls are tough – there will be nothing Ant and Dec can chuck at them that will trouble them in the slightest. In fact, I’m prepared to make a prediction: their utter domination of the show will lead to a change in the way the world views more mature women. By Christmas governments will crumble to be replaced by rod-of-iron grandmothers. By Easter older women in industry will be dashing through the glass ceiling, having cleaned it on the way, and this time next year statistics will reveal that the post-menopausal will earn more than bankers. Reading glasses will be the new killer heels, and air conditioning will be turned up everywhere because “of course it’s hot in here”.
Seriously though. Look at the form these girls have got. Stefanie Powers, 69, has a 50 year top-flight career and has successfully fought lung cancer. 60-year-old Lorraine Chase began on TV as the girl in the Campari ads and in 2000 was almost killed in a serious car crash. Olympic medallist Fatima Whitbread, 50, was abandoned as a baby, but went on to huge athletic success. She’s a single mum after her husband died in 2007. Crissy Rock, 53, has endured rape, abuse, miscarriage and bankruptcy but come out smiling and doing well as an actress and comedian.
It’s not just that these girls have been unlucky – what they’ve done is deal with the difficult times, the trials if you will, learned from them and carried on. So, you see, a few bugs and a kangaroo’s bottom will pose little problem.
In fact, I’m willing to predict that they will go on to spin-off series taking over from the likes of not-very-convincing survival poster boy Bear Grylls and bushcrafter Ray Mears.
Already, Fatima has taken charge of her group and Stefanie “she’s an alpha male” Powers hers. They’ve brushed aside whingeing and tears from their co-stars, but heaven help them if they don’t comply with the dunny cleaning rota.
It might be I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, but the celebs yelling for a fast exit, will not include the grown up girls – the Old Birds will reign supreme.
RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE
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