Reasons to be cheerful: Shout out if you find any
Cast your mind back, dear citizens of Lindseyland, to my New Year message to you as your Queen, when I pronounced that my early run of bad luck was unfortunate but that it was probably best to get it out of the way early doors 2010-wise. Well, as misfortune would have it, the bad luck continueth. Hot on the heels of Corneal Ulcer-gate, ladies and gentlemen…I give you…Fifth Metatarsal Fracture-gate.
I know. It’s unbelievable isn’t it? That one woman can have so much bad luck in such a short period of time. I sustained this injury during my daily early morning 5 mile run a week ago on Thursday, just before I drank my wheatgrass and Goji berry breakfast shake.
Obviously that’s a big fat lie. I missed the bottom stair in the house (although I’ve been thundering up and down them for the past 10 years) and twisted my ankle. Yes, it was a bit hurty, but I soldiered on. After walking around on it all day Friday, I was finally persuaded to be taken to Casualty (again) whereupon an X-Ray revealed a nasty spiral fracture of the Fifth Metatarsal. So I’m in plaster for five weeks.
Anyway, this latest brouhaha has given me time to reflect on some of the things I’m grateful for in my life. Gad I’ve gone all philosophical. I’m starting to sound like Oprah. I’ll be giving away cars next. So with this concept in one’s head, one hoiked one’s iPhone from one’s bra, thinking “Ah, there must be an app for that”. One was right. One is supposed to list five things for which one is grateful. Five things per day. One only managed one day’s worth of gratitude, and to be honest, it was a pathetic effort and mainly consisted of gratitude for tacky food related items like Tesco Foam Fruits and them fizzy Flying Saucers.
So I’m treating today’s column like a non Oprah-style Gratitude Journal. If you like, you can even append your own list of things for which you are grateful in the comments box thoughtfully provided by those nice people at STV. And keep it clean please.
Satnav: A miracle of modern technology. I’ve no idea how it works, but it’s fantastic isn’t it? Helped me out of many a sticky situation work-wise. I could certainly have used it on that fateful night on the way back from Manchester with Kate (who gets the odd mention in these columns as you’ll have noticed, mainly because she provides so much in the way of comedy material). Kate was supposed to be co-pilot but she misread the job description and spent the time flicking her fag ash oot the car windae, drawling "Nae idea, doll" while I whimpered my way through the mean streets of Manchester, begging her for directions. The only helpful thing she did was roll down the window and ask a Mancunian passer-by “Excuse me, hen, which way is Scotland?”
Sky Plus: Fantastic. Another miracle of modern technology. My latest Skyplussing obsession is the programme about the Pineapple Dance Studio. Is that programme for real? The Artistic Director, Louis, steals the show. Surely it’s impossible for one to be that camp, without flouncing oneself to death? Sheesh. He probably wakes up doing jazz hands. But yes, Sky Plus. Thank you, God.
Online Shopping: Bit of a tricky one this. Sometimes stuff needs sending back. I almost never get round to it and it ends up in the ‘Stuff for eBay’ cupboard, which of course, never gets anywhere near eBay. Online food shopping is great. Particularly now during Fifth Metatarsal Fracture-gate. The downside is that it’s necessary to chittychat with the delivery man. And they are particularly chittychatty round here. I might have to resort to buying only flat things that can be frisbee’d under the door at me e.g. tattie scones, cheese slices, and individual rashers of bacon, thereby avoiding banter engagement. Could I live on these foodstuffs? Hell, who am I kidding, I practically do.
That’s it really. There is no number four. Glass half empty and all that.
See number four? Gratitude. Overrated in my opinion. Unless you can convince me otherwise. (Exit stage left, hobbling.)
What are you grateful for, asks Lindsey. Go on - tell us in the comments section below.
(Lindsey writes in a personal capacity, Her views are not necessarily those of STV Group plc.)
