Don’t you just love celebrity gossip? Don’t you just love the "Oh my god…you can actually see her bones bulging out beneath her bling?" and "Wow, look at Beyonce's bum..."
It’s entertaining yet ridiculous that non-celeb-society actually gives a monkeys about these things…however…step forward a celebrity who this week nearly swallowed his tongue with surprise…
"Taio Cruz has admitted that he was 'pleasantly surprised' when he went into the recording studio with Cheryl Cole and realised that she was actually able to sing."
Eh? She IS a singer…what did he expect exactly? A Donald Duck impression? A rendition of ‘Mary had a little lamb’?
Whether Miss Cole is a good singer or not is of no importance here, and the number of days that her single gets lodged in between every one of your brain cells is not even up for discussion….fight fight fight fight fight fight….AH! The point is that a singer should be able to sing. It’s in the job title. We as individuals decide who we think is a ‘talented’ singer…and we all have our own opinion on that now don’t we? Rolf Harris? Exactly!
If someone cannot sing…they should NOT be branded as a singer.
Could you imagine if people just blagged their way into a job where particular skills were required? This would be the ultimate expenses scandal.
Picture it… You’ve been partying or playing football to your best ability and suddenly your knee requires urgent attention. It is agony. You can’t walk, you can’t sit, you can’t even eat or drink due to the pain (it must be sore!). There is nothing visibly wrong with your knee so you don’t want to waste the doc’s time in A & E – although you did see someone with nothing but a bruised fingernail in there once (cringe).
The next NHS appointment for a Physiotherapist is July 2010. You even decide that it may be worth sawing off your own leg to get an appointment quicker. By now you realise the only option may just have to involve Bupa and some Earl Grey in Rosshall. It is the only way that you may be able to walk by Christmas. Your bank balance is sitting at £500…stuff the overdraft charges that you WILL have to face when your X-Ray and consultancy invoice reaches you (where are the postal strikes when you need them?)
You wait in the ‘lounge’ for all of 42 seconds when an extremely handsome/foxy doctor appears with a very shiny and somewhat inviting stethoscope – the pain in your knee vanishes for a heartbeat as you take a gulp…’Yes Please’, you answer as your name is called (how embarrassing).
Here we go…suddenly the pounds in your pockets are petrified as you prop yourself on a plush pillow.
“…so Doctor Handsome, what do you think it is?”
“I have absolutely no idea…I’m not actually a doctor and I don’t even know what a knee is. I’m only here because I kissed a surgeon and she liked i’…that will be £501 please”.
Damn that overdraft!
Laura Marks is a finalist in stv.tv's The Write Factor competition. The views expressed are not necessarily those of STV plc. If you would like to read more from this writer, use our comment system below.
