Pity any "celebrity"’ who didn’t manage to make it onto the latest series of I’m A Celebrity. While publicity-starved no-marks across the UK and beyond rocked back and forward in a chair in their agent’s office, desperately waiting to hear if their career had been given a brief reprieve…the UK’s most highly publicized woman was already arranging to go back for seconds.
Jordan has managed to remain ubiquitous in our papers. You split up with Peter Andre? Fine, why not start seeing a cage fighter? I occasionally have nightmares in which I’m in of those old US apartment block elevators with the cage-style door. Alex Reid gets in, gets disorientated, and batters me senseless. That is of course the macho and tough Alex Reid who Jordan chose to reveal enjoys dressing up in women’s clothing. Perhaps her thinking was that if dressing like a drag queen is good enough for her, then it’s good enough for him too.
Alex aside, the press stories about her relations with now ex-husband Peter Andre just keep coming. I recently read that she’d sold Pete’s bulldogs – a headline I had to read twice. Probably my favourite Jordan/Alex/Pete story of the last week though was that “Alex Reid has said he hopes that he can build a relationship with her ex-husband Peter Andre”. Wow. I realize it wasn’t meant in the same way that I read it, but come on, if Pete really wanted to get back at her…
Pete has apparently turned down a job working for This Morning as a behind the scenes reporter on I’m A Celebrity, because, "a source says", “Pete was really looking forward to going back to the jungle but as soon as he found out that Katie was going to appear, he said there was no chance in hell he would go. Pete reckons there's no way he could speculate on Katie's antics and any outback flirtations in an unbiased way.”. Yup. Uh huh. All very moral and upstanding of him to say that.
Might I suggest another reason? They can’t both go to Australia because there would be nobody left to look after the kids! Just, you know, a small thought that occurred to me.
What kind of flirtations could Jordan possibly be having in the outback anyway? She’s got a boyfriend after all. Oh. Hang on. Let me check the papers again. Apparently she’d recently asked him for space…but I’m not quite sure. Given that it’s Jordan we’re talking about here, does that mean she needs time apart from him…or does that mean that she’s demanding he gives her the universe?
No, honestly, Alex doesn’t have anything to worry about. Well, except one thing. Joe Calzaghe’s offered to fight Reid on Pete’s behalf. He probably should be worried about that. Just ask Calzaghe’s Strictly partner Kristina Rihanoff – Joe’s no stranger to humiliating someone who’s wearing a dress. But apart from that I mean, Alex has got nothing to worry about.
After all, it’s I’m A Celebrity. It’s not as if anyone goes on that show and meets a husband, is it? Oh. Sorry Alex…
