The STV Trailer Park: with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Red Lights, The Three Stooges and Fast Girls

Well, I guess before you become President of the USA, you’ve got some time to kill – so why not spend it chasing after the undead?

Yes, just in case you didn't already know, before he became one of the most famous ever politicians he was Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

This gritty true-life tale is directed by Wanted’s Timur Bekmambetov (and produced by Tim Burton), and recounts the terrifying time when Abe found out that vampires were planning to take over the US, making it his mission to... Well, you probably get the idea.

The action here looks as incredibly slick as you’d hope, and personally I’m just hoping that it does well at the box office in order so that my own nail-biting thriller Gordon Brown: Nessie Enthusiast gets the green light. Fingers crossed. (Release date: June 20)

The trailer for Red Lights that I saw in the cinema helpfully pointed out that it’s “the next The Sixth Sense” – which means that movie-goers can spend the entire film trying to figure out what the twist at the end is, then loudly complaining afterwards that it was a complete letdown. (Because whatever will beat the shock revelation that Bruce Willis is actually a decent actor?)

Still, with a cast including hypno-eyed Cillian Murphy, Sigourney Weaver and Robert de Niro, this thriller about a mysterious psychic being pursued by paranormal investigators should be worth a watch, no matter whether it turns out Cillian Murphy was really an evil space alien all along. (Which wouldn’t be too much of a surprise, really, even if it occurred in real life.) (Release date: June 15)

Has there been a worse idea realised this year than this desecration of The Three Stooges by the Farrelly brothers? For those who say that a film shouldn’t be judged by its trailer... Well, let me know what a full 90 minutes of this does to the state of your mental health. (Release date: August 22)

Thinking of watching Fast Girls – a UK film with Noel Clarke about a “street-smart female runner who develops an intense rivalry with a wealthy young athlete” – but not sure you have the time or the finances to see it later this month? Well, fret not, for this trailer helpfully appears to cram the whole story into its two minutes and 12 seconds. What a prudent idea by the producers! (Release date: June 15)

And finally, Lay The Favourite, which investigates methods of exploiting the sportsbook system in Vegas. Wait a second, I didn’t make that sound too exciting, did I? If not, you’ll just have to bet on Rebecca Hall, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Bruce Willis and Vince Vaughn delivering a comedy cutting enough to make up for the slightly dreary subject matter. (Release date: June 22)

People who read this story also read

What do you think? Please Sign-in or Join to leave a comment. And check-out our House Rules so that we can all make this a better experience for everyone.