STV Trailer Park: with A Good Day To Die Hard, Lincoln, Iron Man 3, Amour

If you take “die hard” to be Bruce Willis’s own specially crafted euphemism for “getting it on", then the series of blockbuster movies in which he’s starred take on a whole new meaning.

In the past we’ve had Die Hard (Willis rising magnificently to the occasion and providing you with the most satisfying two hours of your entire life), Die Hard 2: Die Harder (the grizzled actor attempting in vain to match up to his explosive first performance, the disappointment etched on to his face), Die Hard with a Vengeance (his energy almost spent, but still Willis goes like the clappers, thanks in large part to Samuel L. Jackson on double-team duties), then 2007’s Live Free or Die Hard (the veteran showing his years but using the latest modern advancements to keep it up throughout for a decent showing).

Now we have A Good Day to Die Hard – because at his age how many more occasions will a wrinkled Willis have to dazzle us with his sagging wares? And even though we know it won’t be nearly as good as the day we first furtively made eye contact with the wise-cracking hunk, we’ll still submit to his flagging desires out of politeness and a misplaced sense of nostalgia, most of the time staring into middle-distance and thinking about what to put in the lunchtime rolls for work the next day. (Release date: February 14)

Anyway, enough of that, it’s almost Oscar time! And who should show up, but Daniel Day-Lewis in a historical epic that’s practically begging for syrupy acceptance speeches. Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln comes after the most famous period of his life when the former US president was a vampire hunter, but will hopefully at least have him battering a couple of werewolves with a hardback copy of the constitution. (Release date: January 25)

Iron Man 3 ought to be great because Shane Black – who revitalised Robert Downey Jr.’s career by writing and directing the great Kiss Kiss Bang Bang – is in charge, and knows a thing or two about writing a fantastic action script (also responsible for Lethal Weapon and The Last Boy Scout).

This trailer follows on stylistically from the previous two movies, but shows off a bigger budget and impressive supporting cast. Whether or not a drunken Tony Stark pees himself in the Iron Man outfit again, as he did in the last film? We can only cross our fingers and pray. It’s a topic shamefully under-explored by Hollywood, and unless Superman goes to a strip club and tries to down a yard of ale in Man of Steel then this is likely the only chance we have. (Release date: April 26)

Finally, in an utterly pointless attempt to raise the tone of this week's Trailer Park, here is Michael Haneke’s Amour, which charts in unflinching detail the decay of an elderly couple as they succumb to the ravages of age. The work of a masterful filmmaker, this won’t be an easy watch, but there’s likely to be a few moments of genius at the very least. (Release date: November 16)

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