Zombies are known for attacking people, eating their brains and just being a general all-round nuisance, but the hundreds gathering for Glasgow’s Zombie Walk this Halloween are probably the politest ever - why, you might even be able to take one home to introduce to your family!
Even the Daily Mail would struggle to be outraged by this Scottish army of the living dead. The unsightly horde are set to gather at 3pm on Saturday afternoon to slowly stumble along from Glasgow University’s Queen Margaret Union to the entrance of Kelvingrove Park.
To stop things getting out of control the Glasgow Zombie Walk has an official Facebook page - we guess even flesh-eaters have to adapt to 21st-century living and the information age - with a list of ground rules for any reanimated human corpses who have a free diary and are planning to attend.
These include not attacking bystanders (not even if you’re really, really hungry), not walking on the road and blocking traffic (remember to stop, listen and look before then probably thinking about where you can find some entrails) and not making a mess (don’t litter the route with any stray limbs you’ve ripped off on the way there).
Not only that, but the rotten and cursed attendees should ensure that all weapons are fake (as though a zombie would be seen dead with an AK-47 anyway), that they don’t wipe blood-stained hands on cars or buildings (not even if there’s panicked human cowering inside) and that they keep moving along (even if over-enthusiastic peers have devoured most of their hamstrings).
As the page sensibly puts it: “Just don't act like one of those idiots you see on a Saturday night walking down Sauchiehall street, shouting abuse and acting like a general fool.”
There’s been no word of what zombies worldwide think about this unexpected outbreak of courtesy and respect among their Scottish brethren - a spokesperson for the global movement mumbled something incomprehensible about brains before losing interest and chewing on the phone.
• To find out more about the Glasgow Zombie Walk visit www.glasgowzombiewalk.co.uk
• To see Saturday’s route, go along to www.tinyurl.com/glasgowzombieroute
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